The Emails
1.O: Are you just busy or are you avoiding me? I feel really, really bad.
2.
KtP: I'm not avoiding you, I'm just not talking to you right now. Leave me alone, you do NOT want to provoke me further.
3.
KtP: You SHOULD feel "really, really bad." You deliberately did something you knew I didn't want you to do; you kept it from me, and, as you've been doing lately, you tried to lie to me about it.
You effectively killed an outlet that I had. Blogging was a way for me to think things through, purge them, and then leave them. I don't feel I can do that now - thanks very much.
For years Someone has said that when she asks you how I'm doing, you don't give anything away. Well, that's great. Even better now that you're not going to have anything to tell. I trusted you before, I just didn't want to share anything. Now I don't even trust you.
I hope you're having a crappy week. I may have to love you, but I don't like you at all right now.
4.
O: No dispute. I suck.
But I don't think this has to kill your outlet. I have promised to you that I will not go back to the blog and I mean it. If you truly knew how badly I felt, you would know that I mean that promise and would never betray you again.
And, not that this is in anyway an excuse, but think about how desperate I must've been to learn more about what you were really feeling and thinking to even go looking for your blog. Know that I felt crummy even searching for it and think about how badly I must've wanted to connect with you or really know how you are that I would do that. Think about how worried I must've been about you and about all the things you keep hidden inside that I would've looked for this other information about you. And think about how bad it made me feel to realize that you could share all of these real personal things about how you are really doing with strangers on the internet and not with me.
I miss you. And I'm sorry.
5.
KtP: You're right. That isn't an excuse. Obviously I didn't feel I could or wanted to share things with you, for whatever reasons. Personally, I don't care if it made you feel bad or not. Had you not gone looking for trouble, you wouldn't have found it.
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