Corporate Peon

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I don't care if you were a stripper or not - if you get double F sized implants, you have lost your right to complain that people treat you like an object and not a person.

Those implants were 1900 ccs EACH. I believe they said it was a GALLON of fluid EACH.

You're not a person, you're a floatation device.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Law of Averages

This week in recap:

  • Got some cute new purses and jewelry - all on clearance!
  • Had two jeans days at work - love those
  • Got promoted
  • Got a compliment on my car by a random guy in my apt parking lot
  • Used my federal tax refund to put me 8 months ahead on my car payments - schweet!
  • Finally managed to catch up with my gf in VA - had a good, long talk with her
  • Was too lazy to do the cleaning that my apt requires, so am currently living in a pigsty
  • Had my non-date and wasn't impressed
  • Got all excited by new messages in my MySpace account only to find out that FREAKS want to be my friend
  • Found out I make $20,000 below the official minimum of the salary band for my job and that nothing can be done about that.
  • Found out that my library sucks and only had, like, 2 of the books you folks recommended. Their reserve system only notifies you by phone that something is in and since I don't have an answering machine, I won't ever find out when my books are in.

Still and all, I'd call this week a good one.

Friday, March 03, 2006


Naturalizer boots: $28 on clearance

Tank top: $3 on clearance

Velvet blazer: $10 on clearance

Necklace: $14 on clearance

Haircut: $13

Looking like the sexy, in-control beast you know you are: Fucking priceless

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Things That Make Me Laugh

Dear Mustang Driver:

I get that your car is a Mustang. Really, I do. I can read those 7 letters across the back of your car; I can recognize the shape of that car.

So did you really need a vanity plate that reads 'HR STANG 4'???? Because that made me think of pooty tang, and I'm guessing that's not what you were going for.


Dear High School Cheerleader,

I know that tonight is Ash Wednesday. I know that means if you go to church, you get ash on your forehead. I'm cool with that.

But you have to understand that religious ash does not mix so well with a cheerleading outfit.


The Fashion Police
Dear Writers of Psychic Witness,

I was very amused to catch the tale end of tonight's episode. You know the one - where the psychic helped find the dead body and thus prosecute the suspect?

It's also the episode where you said the suspect 'will no longer hurt anyone outside of the prison system.'

Thanks for not assuming he won't get into a little shank fight with his fellow inmates. Way to keep it real, yo!

A new fan,


Mystery on the Blog

Someone from my sister's town is reading me.

Yes, I know it's a large town.

But I do wonder if it's her, which obviously means I don't trust the declarations she gave me of never visting the CP again.

If it is her (she?), then she's not nearly as bright as I thought she was.

The flip side, though, is that maybe she'll finally fucking understand me a bit and learn how not to interpret my every mood as hateful and bitter.

Yeah, I don't buy it, either.

Isn't It Ironic?

I've had milk in the fridge for the past, oh, week-and-a-half. No issues. Most of that time was spent with no cereal, but the milk stayed fine.

So why is it that not even a full 48hours after I purchase 5 boxes of cereal, I wake up to find my milk frozen, thanks to a tempermental fridge?

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Oh No You Di'nt

I just found out that an issue that's been open since July 11, 2005 is no longer an issue.

This is an issue I've been working on for MONTHS.

I've been providing weekly updates to people on it for MONTHS.

Sure, I could have realized this in July, but what about the stupid people who've been getting my updates? They could have called me off at any freaking time!

Gah. I hate my own stupidity.

Bits N' Bits N' Bits

I had a good workout last night. A mile + on the bike, and about 5 minutes on the elliptical, which I've decided I really don't like. Two reps of 12 on each of about 7 machines; some core strengthening exercises that KILL, and some core balancing exercises. A full hour in total.
I got some groceries tonight - there were a few things I had been craving, plus something for dinner - and I had a coupon for $5 off a $50 purchase.

What was my bill? $44.66. So close, and yet...Perhaps if I purchased 7 boxes of cereal instead of the FIVE I walked out with, I would have hit $50.
A comment I made at Sloth's house got me thinking. One girl from high school - same age as me - has four kids. Two with her hs bf, two with her hubby. A second girl from hs - also the same age - is pregnant now with her fourth. Again, two with the bf, two with the hubby. And a third girl just had her first baby in May - and is pregnant again. She will have two kids under the age of 2.

In my mind, that's frightening. Not desired. Not even cool.

To my friends who love and want kids, that's pretty normal and not such a bad thing. Now, I went to hs in the sticks, so is this just a product of that environment, or is that more a norm than I wish to know?
Last, for now: If you know today is a 'food day' at work - and if you come to work without bringing something - it's really not appropriate to leave the office at 9:33 to drive to a grocery store to pick something up.

Seriously. Either let it go - because no one else will notice and no one at all will care - or go upstairs to the convenience store and buy a bag of chips.

And it's really not appropriate to interrupt my obvious review of a document to ask me what you should buy.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Kibbles N'

A coworker who literally has been at this company for longer than I've been alive just sent me one of the most ridiculous forwards ever. I know you've all seen it, and if you haven't, I won't be forwarding it to you. The ""approachable looking" man (clean cut, clean shaven, dressed well, etc.)" tells the woman she's dropped money even though she knows she hasn't, and when she refuses to take it, he gets irate and thus morphs into the serial killer who has been eluding the police. "Even if this man wasn't a serial killer, he looked nice, he seemed polite, he was apparently doing an act of kindness, but HE WAS NOT A NICE PERSON!!!"

Please. Someone, anyone, kill me now.
I got my hair cut Thursday and then threw some dye on it. The cut's fine, and the color is not very noticeable, which is good, considering I'm not sure I like it and I generally dye my hair once every decade. Good thing this only has 25 more shampoos to go...
I had a promising phone call last night with a man from a personals site. We talked for quite a while, actually, (which means I missed Grey's Anatomy!) and will be actually meeting this weekend.

Have I told you yet how much I hate dating? Yeah, I think I have. He's 6yrs older than I and divorced - two qualities I never would have sought out on my own - but he sent me a very flattering email and so of course I had to respond.
There's also a guy on MySpace who sent me a very flattering note. We've emailed a bit, but nothing's come of it yet. I suppose if anything does, I have Peeved Michelle to thank, since she prodded me into joining MS in the first place.
Speaking of PM, it's past time to announce that The Peevery is ill. I had been hoping that this was a 24hr virus but it does not seem to be the case. For anyone interested, we're peeving at the old site, Peevishness & Botheration, while we wait for TP to become unquarantined.
I need to hit the library this week; load me up with some recommendations, ya'll.

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Tonight is my first night watching any of 'Dancing With the Stars.' Mildly amusing but not quite worth the hype, as is true with so many things.

And Drew? Whether you win or not, take my advice: No former boy-band member should ever say, "It's all good in the hood."
Taxing weekend as usual with the fam. My sister still does not understand why I haven't forgiven her for searching out the CP; "she's acting like I slept with her boyfriend." Honey, don't flatter yourself.

Aside from that tension, there was the usual bickering:

S: I don't think Ellen Pompeo should be on the cover of Self. She's a self-described waif.
KtP: So naturally skinny women should be punished?
S: Yes
KtP: That's the fat girl's cry.
S: Deep sigh, then a muttered "You're so much fun to talk to."

I've learned over the past year or so that unless I agree, I'm not much fun to talk to. If I don't excessively compliment, then I'm not much fun to talk to. So I've been staying rather quiet, which then gets me comments about how grumpy I am. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" When I say no, that doesn't mean I'm being a bitch. Perhaps it means I'm content to just listen and not offer a dissenting comment; perhaps it means I know nothing about the topic being discussed, and am therefore silent. Or perhaps it means I have no interest in the topic but don't feel the need to be included in every single conversation.

Sorry, that's not true. It obviously means I'm being a grumpy bitch and expressing that vividly.
Even with my parents, I've learned my opinion doesn't count. Not that it necessarily should, but don't ask me a question if my answer won't even be considered.

"What do you want for lunch, KtP?"
KtP: Fried chicken

"KtP, do you want to come to the furniture store with us?"
KtP: No
"Well, tough. You're coming anyway."

And they all wonder why I either say nothing or ask if my opinion matters.
When the girls were here last weekend, I bought some long mirrors from IKEA that I thought would look nice above the couch. Now, though, I think they will look a bit too 70's and am debating returning them. Which of course still leaves me with nothing above the couch...which is amusing in that after I purchased the mirrors, we went to a billion stores where I saw about 2 billion things that would work in their place.

More decoration shopping? I'm not sure I can handle that.

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