First, there was Ben
Ben was actually my second boyfriend, but I'm saving details of #1 until later, for he reappeared in my life in a big way.Ben lived across the hall from me during my last year in college. I didn't actually see him until the start of second semester. He was a year younger than I. We met through some mutual friends - and it was strange how quickly he and his roommates, and me and mine, became intermingled, for we had spent the better part of the school year on different planes.
I was normally attracted to men around 5'8", brown haired, light eyed, and a bit stocky. Ben was 5'5, blonde, beautiful blue eyes, and...round. Rotund. Completely.
He wasn't the type of boyfriend to give compliments easily or often. He made fun of the slang I used, for as an English major, he felt I should know better. He flustered me in many ways - he kvetched about my driving, so of course I wanted to prove I was a good driver, which of course put so much pressure on me that I would leave the emergency brake on while I drove, or I would hit the curb as I parked, all things he would use as proof of his superiority.
He would tell me things like, "I thought about buying you flowers today." He never bought me flowers, but I was supposed to appreciate the fact that he thought about it. And for a time, I did appreciate that.
It was a decent relationship, as far as they go, for the first couple months. Ben didn't celebrate my birthday at all - no card, no dinner, no...nothing. There were certain things Ben didn't do - it wasn't his style, he said, to give cards or flowers or cunninglingus. I pushed for those things, but it wasn't worth the arguments that followed.
Graduation came shortly after, and he was 'too sick' to appear. Being the good girlfriend, I took time out of the festivities to drive to his house and see how he was. I got there just in time to catch him leaving to play basketball with his roommates. They sensed an eruption and gave us some time to talk.
Ben said he had been feeling poorly but was better now. I invited him to the local college bar, where celebrations were going on, but he said he was playing ball with his roommates, and if he bailed, they'd be short a player. I left, frustrated.
That night, at the bar, a friend of Ben's, Andy, flirted with me. There was a definite attraction there. Andy made comments about how 'if he was my boyfriend....' He walked me to my car, a risky move. We kissed. I felt flattered, and appreciated, and desired.
The next day or two, I drove out of state to visit my high school girlfriends. I told them what happened and asked for advice. I felt it was only fair to tell Ben of the kiss when I got back to town.
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