Corporate Peon: Shamu

Sunday, February 27, 2005


I'm fat. Technically, I'm obese. I wear large sizes and haven't ever been able to shop at stores like Express and 5*7*9.

I just don't feel fat. I know what size I am, and I know that I can't always walk into a store or shop with my girlfriends and expect to find things that will fit. But, I'm usually okay with this.

Until I look in a mirror, or step on a scale, or go to a doctor's office.

There were a good number of years where I was made fun of for my weight. My guy 'friends,' starting to notice girls, noticed that I was heavier than others. They picked on me. Yet, it never really bothered me, because there were still guys who were interested in me.

I know it's unhealthy. And I've spent the past couple years yo-yoing. After the Ex situation, I packed on 30 pounds - quite noticeable on a 5'4" frame. I let myself eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted - KFC for dinner? Done. Half a dozen donuts for breakfast? Done. Cheetos and a candy bar for lunch? Done. Again, and again, and again.

I managed to lose 20, 25 lbs of that and kept it off. Oh, I was still fat, just not as. I've hovered around that weight for the past 2 yrs, never managing to get much below it, never rising too far above. I'm a big girl - tits, hips. What might be called 'big-boned' - I've never been petite or delicate.

And that's fine. I'm also a fairly compact girl - sure, I jiggle, but I'm also solid in some respects. I've never felt I look as though I weigh what I do, which has been a large factor in not pushing me to lose weight. If I actually looked like what I should...

At any rate, I'm sick of it now. I've started to backslide again into the fast food, lazy way of eating. I've seen the scale slowly creep up and there's only so much blaming it on...whatever one can do.

So, I'm going to try. I've had multiple well-meaning guy friends tell me that I'm not the girl who walks into a bar and turns heads, and I'm not the girl the guys flock to, but once a guy gets to know me, well, personality should win him over.

Yeah, maybe. But it'd be nice to lead a flock once in a while.

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