Corporate Peon: March 2006

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I don't care if you were a stripper or not - if you get double F sized implants, you have lost your right to complain that people treat you like an object and not a person.

Those implants were 1900 ccs EACH. I believe they said it was a GALLON of fluid EACH.

You're not a person, you're a floatation device.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Law of Averages

This week in recap:

  • Got some cute new purses and jewelry - all on clearance!
  • Had two jeans days at work - love those
  • Got promoted
  • Got a compliment on my car by a random guy in my apt parking lot
  • Used my federal tax refund to put me 8 months ahead on my car payments - schweet!
  • Finally managed to catch up with my gf in VA - had a good, long talk with her
  • Was too lazy to do the cleaning that my apt requires, so am currently living in a pigsty
  • Had my non-date and wasn't impressed
  • Got all excited by new messages in my MySpace account only to find out that FREAKS want to be my friend
  • Found out I make $20,000 below the official minimum of the salary band for my job and that nothing can be done about that.
  • Found out that my library sucks and only had, like, 2 of the books you folks recommended. Their reserve system only notifies you by phone that something is in and since I don't have an answering machine, I won't ever find out when my books are in.

Still and all, I'd call this week a good one.

Friday, March 03, 2006


Naturalizer boots: $28 on clearance

Tank top: $3 on clearance

Velvet blazer: $10 on clearance

Necklace: $14 on clearance

Haircut: $13

Looking like the sexy, in-control beast you know you are: Fucking priceless

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Things That Make Me Laugh

Dear Mustang Driver:

I get that your car is a Mustang. Really, I do. I can read those 7 letters across the back of your car; I can recognize the shape of that car.

So did you really need a vanity plate that reads 'HR STANG 4'???? Because that made me think of pooty tang, and I'm guessing that's not what you were going for.


Dear High School Cheerleader,

I know that tonight is Ash Wednesday. I know that means if you go to church, you get ash on your forehead. I'm cool with that.

But you have to understand that religious ash does not mix so well with a cheerleading outfit.


The Fashion Police
Dear Writers of Psychic Witness,

I was very amused to catch the tale end of tonight's episode. You know the one - where the psychic helped find the dead body and thus prosecute the suspect?

It's also the episode where you said the suspect 'will no longer hurt anyone outside of the prison system.'

Thanks for not assuming he won't get into a little shank fight with his fellow inmates. Way to keep it real, yo!

A new fan,


Mystery on the Blog

Someone from my sister's town is reading me.

Yes, I know it's a large town.

But I do wonder if it's her, which obviously means I don't trust the declarations she gave me of never visting the CP again.

If it is her (she?), then she's not nearly as bright as I thought she was.

The flip side, though, is that maybe she'll finally fucking understand me a bit and learn how not to interpret my every mood as hateful and bitter.

Yeah, I don't buy it, either.

Isn't It Ironic?

I've had milk in the fridge for the past, oh, week-and-a-half. No issues. Most of that time was spent with no cereal, but the milk stayed fine.

So why is it that not even a full 48hours after I purchase 5 boxes of cereal, I wake up to find my milk frozen, thanks to a tempermental fridge?

Powered by Blogger