Corporate Peon: January 2005

Monday, January 31, 2005

More BBB Funny

I really wasn't going to post more about BBB, because it sounds like I'm a lot more infatuated than I am, but he just keeps making pervy comments that make me laugh.

Like today - we went downstairs to the store, as per our afternoon custom. Today, I was on the hunt for caffeine and he needed aspirin. I was looking at the section with the aspirin when I noticed they sold batteries.

"Oh good, they sell batteries here. I always forget to pick them up at the store."


He nudged me and started giggling. Those who've met me know I don't blush easily (he sleeps with what?), but this time I couldn't fight it. You know how funny it is to see a 6foot bald goateed black man giggle and try to keep it quiet?

"For my remotes," I said. "For my tv and dvd remotes."

Uh huh.


The cake decorating class I signed up for has been cancelled due to low enrollment.

EVERY cake decorating class I've signed up for has been cancelled. And yet, they still keep being offered...

I was really looking forward to it.

Since that didn't pan out, I was going to take a stained glass class on Mondays, but as I have 'real' class on Tuesdays, and it will be a lot of work this last course...I didn't want to take away our last-minute prep times.

I'm gonna have to go back to other places and recheck their offerings. Back to the drawing board...

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Time Warp

Not your typical female empowerment war cry, but I love this song nonetheless:

What's the matter with your life?
Why you gotta mess with mine?
Don't keep sweatin' what I do
Cuz I'm gonna be just fine - check it out


If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight
It's none of your business
And she wanna be a freak and sell it on the weekend
It's none of your business
Now you shouldn't even get into who I'm givin' skins to
It's none of your business
So don't try to change my mind, I'll tell you one more time
It's none of your business

Now who do you think you are
Puttin' your cheap two cents in?
Don't you got nothin' to do
Than worry 'bout my friends? Check it...

I can't do nothin', girl, without somebody buggin'
I used to think that it was me, but now I see it wasn't
They told me to change, they called me names, and so I popped one
Opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one
I never put my nose where I'm not supposed to
Believe me, if he's something that I want, I'm steppin' closer
I'm not one for playing high-pole
Like the house of ditty 90210 type of ho
I treat a man like he treats me
The difference between a hooker and a ho ain't nothin' but a fee
So hold your tongue tightly, wish you could be like me
You're poppin' all that mess only to stress and to spite me
Now you can get with that or you can get with this
But I don't give a shit cuz really it's none of your business

(1993, S and P, packin' and mackin'
Bamboozlin' and smackin' suckers with this track
Throw the beat back in!)


How many rules am I to break before you understand
That your double-standards don't mean shit to me?
I know exactly what you say when I turn and walk away
But that's ok cuz I don't let it get it to me
Now every move I make somebody's clockin'
Don't ask me nothin', will you just leave me alone?
Never mind who's the guy that I took bone

Ok, Miss Thing never givin' up skins
If you don't like him or his friends what about that Benz?
Your Pep-Pep's got an ill rep
With all that macaroni trap for rap you better step
Or better yet get your head checked
Cuz I refuse to be played like a penny cent trick deck of cards
No, I ain't hard like the bitches on a boulevard
My face ain't scarred, and I don't dance in bars
You can call me a tramp if you want to
But I remember the punk who just humped and dumped you
Or you can front if you have to
But everybody gets horny just like you
So, yo, so, yo, ho - check it, double deck it on a record butt-naked
Pep's ass gets respect, and this butt is none of your business


So the moral of this story is: Who are you to judge?
There's only one true judge, and that's God
So chill, and let my Father do His job

Cuz Salt and Pepa's got it swingin' again
Cuz Salt and Pepa's got it swingin' again
Cuz Salt and Pepa's got it swingin' again
Cuz Salt and Pepa's got it swingin' again...

(Salt n Pepa, "None of Your Business")

Saturday, January 29, 2005


That's the movie where Diane Lane cheats on hubby Richard Gere with some hottie French guy.

Diane Lane is beautiful. There's no way around that. It's not like a Julia Roberts debate here - Diane. Is. Beautiful. And I can see chemistry between her & Pierre.

But...I can also see love between her & hubby. And concern. And tenderness.

I've cheated before, something I make no secret of in this forum. But goddamn, if I'm ever lucky enough to find someone who wants to spend his life with me (and me with him), I'm not letting go of that without a fight.

I understand cheating. But I want to understand love.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Who's Yo Daddy!

Not to detract from my panty-less self, but...

I just had a kickass review. Seriously.

Phrases were used such as: "One of the best project managers in the company;" "you have a bright future here," "I wouldn't be surprised if I'm working for you in a year and a half," "it would be great to see a project manager move all the way up to bonus level."

Yeah, that's right, I kick ass.

Now show me my 15%, beyotch.


I dreamt that I paid $85 for a ticket to an Eminem concert in Madison. The concert was at 5pm on a Sunday.

I napped at around 1pm and slept through it.

Boy, was I pissed.

Hellooooo? Is Anybody Out Therrrrrre?

So, I'm on this early call. It's stupid. I don't need to be here. I haven't said anything helpful. A lot of 'right's and nodding.

I cut things too close today to drop the car off at the parking lot-oil change service they provide here on Fridays. I REALLY need an oil change - I've been afraid the car's gonna blow - so I'm gonna have to go out there at lunch and move my car over there. It's cold out today, damnit.

Oh, wait, I just said something helpful. My work here is done.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Loser, Baby

Strike while the iron is hot, they say. Well, I didn't, and now I think I've lost a game I didn't even realize I was playing. Did I give it my best shot? Maybe not, but I thought I tried, which is more than I can usually say for myself. Was I honest? Yes. Do I feel I represented myself well? Yes. Do I feel the winner won honestly? I'm not sure. Extenuating circumstances can be a bitch.

I'm sad that I lost. I don't necessarily think it's fair. I don't necessarily feel a choice was made as much as a choice wasn't made, which in essence made a choice. I don't like feeling that I could have prevented losing. I don't know if that's true, of course, but I feel it regardless.

I'm not a competitive person. And I don't always put my happiness above others. Some might call that compassion; some might call that being a pussy. I don't call it anything; it's just who I am. Should I change that? I don't think so. Again, I'm not saying that's necessarily true/right,'s what I think.

The prize, in this case, was something I wanted - something I still want - but wasn't sure was right for me. And I'm still not sure, which is why I didn't put up a fuss. If someone else feels that the 'prize' is right for them, and I'm uncertain...I'm not going to stand in their way. Maybe I'm a self-defeatist that way. Maybe I'm a chickenshit. I've lost before because of that reason.

So now I'm sitting here, a loser, with noone to blame but myself.

I just went into the bathroom and had a really good itch.

That's right - an itch. No, that's not a euphenism. I just scratched and scratched and scratched.

Of course, now my scar is bleeding slightly, but at least it feels a little better.


Some bitc - er, woman - just scheduled a meeting. For tomorrow. Morning.

At 7-fucking-30-in-the-morning!!!!!!

This is insurance, people. Say it with me. In-sur-ance. Not life or death. There is NO need to have a meeting at such an ungodly hour. EVER!!!!!!!!!!

Beatdown, beatdown, beatdown.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Work Stuff

My boss is weird. Not a normal weird kind of way, but just - sorta - strange. She told us today that she doesn't let her kids (ages 23 and 20) load the dishwasher because it has to be done in a particular way and she can't stand having it done incorrectly. She got all worked up talking about it, too. Definitely a bit OCD. She didn't talk to her son for 8 months because he owed her money. She once threw her husband's dinner - plate and all - in the trash because he made a derogatory comment about it. She also told a group of us today - me and three guys - that when she went through menopause, her OCD got worse. Um...TMI!!

I'm not painting this very well. Just believe me - she's strange.
I finally saw my review document today. There are 5 different levels in which you can be rated for all different 'tasks' - Surpassed is the best, then Achieved, then three others. I scored surpassed or achieved for all of them. YAY! I did have a kickass year at work this past year. I better get me some good money, beyotch!
BBB & I flirted today. I like flirting. But I like it best when I'm flirting with someone I'm seeing - that way, you know you can make good on your threats/teases. At any rate, it was fun to make innuendos with BBB and have them returned.

I still haven't made up my mind completely on him. He's really nice and he's super sweet - a big teddy bear kind of guy. He's funny and he's very smart - smarter than I had even realized. And we had a really good conversation today on race and others' reactions, which was cool.

But he's also...goofy. I dunno. We're gonna grab drinks together some time next week, tentatively. It will be interesting to see him outside of work.

I wanna make out with somebody.

Anyone? Anyone?

My scar itches. I have a 6.5 inch scar (yes, I measured, shut up) across my lower belly and it itches. I've tried to numb it with ice, but dude - ice is cold.
Is anyone else watching the Katie Couric NBC show on teen sex? Fascinating. I've always liked boys - my first crush was on a hottie named Kipp in kindegarten, but dude - I so wasn't thinking about sex in junior high. Very few friends were openly having sex at that age - I was worried about my first real kiss.

Was I a late bloomer? Or were others just that far ahead of the game?

Do I Look Like I'm Mother Teresa?

1. I had to pick up my books tonight for my last MBA course, which starts next week. I stopped and chatted with a few of the folks who are in a course right now, and we made plans for drinks after they were done tonight.

All of the guys ordered the 24oz beer for their second round, but I stuck to my 18oz, claiming that "I'm not a sheep." One of the guys replied something to the effect of how often have I used THAT line before, which sent us into gales of laughter and dirty thoughts and left others asking what they had missed. You had to be there.

I told the waitress I'd have a blonde, but all she brought me was a stupid beer.

2. I have a new favorite CD: "Time Travelin' Couch" by Toothpick. I heard it on the morning news one day last week and bought it just from that. They had a song in Super Size Me, aptly named, Super Size Me.

The guy - Toothpick - is wearing this horrendous yellow zoot suit, like what Robert Baron wore on that episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" where he gets all jiggy widit. Despite that, I really dig his voice - all low and mellow and shit.

3. I wonder how many things in one post I could legitimately write about and link to? It's sorta like underlining each noun in the sentence.

4. I had the urge to drunk call people tonight, but I wasn't drunk, so that put a kibosh on that plan. I used 'kibosh' in a work email this week and one guy wrote back and asked, "What is a kibosh?" I wasn't sure if he was serious or not, so I just ignored him. Yep, this is why I get paid the pseudo big bucks, folks.

5. What the fuck am I still doing awake? Oh, right, I woke from a sound sleep for no fucking reason. Let's try this again, shall we? Katey sleeping through the night, Take Two.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


It's funny how overly analytical I am. I pick up every clue, every word, and I turn it upside down and shake it, hoping that the unspoken context will fall out.

The downside is that hidden meanings are just that - hidden - and scrutinizing them sometimes means you find things out that you didn't want to know. Sometimes things are hidden because they're hurtful. Sometimes people aren't brave enough to speak clearly, directly. Maybe it's not courage they lack - maybe they hold too much compassion. Maybe I'm making excuses for them again.

It's funny how little I ask. How little I demand at times. From myself, I demand everything at once - there's no learning curve, no time to take things in. For everyone else, they're allowed as much time as they want. As much time as they need.

Of course, there's hidden meaning in that, too.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Dear ____,

I’m not trying to recapture what we had. I couldn’t – we couldn’t – no matter how hard we tried. What we had was intense, but it wasn’t real, which may have played a factor in the intensity.

You came along when I needed someone most, and you made me feel how I longed to feel: Witty. Smart. Exciting. Desired. You acted like you couldn’t get enough of me, and you treated me with respect and awe, like I was this great present you didn’t ask for but had always wanted.

As connected as we were – as closely as we fit – it’s funny, almost, that we both left for someone else. We said we were afraid, and we were, but we had different reasons for feeling that way. And we didn’t fight those feelings, but instead stayed firmly entrenched within our comfort zones.

And now it’s over, and I write you just to let you know that I do think of you from time to time, and that I am still touched by what we had.

I wish you well, and I hope you’re as good to yourself as you once were to me.

Once yours,


Rules Were Meant to be Broken

The radio station I listened to this morning had a disgusting segment: callers who have purposely not paid their rent - at multiple apartment complexes. One caller, Alicia, said that the first time she did this, her rent was $950 a month. At the time of signing the lease, Alicia felt she could make that payment, but with her car payment, etc, she realized she could not. So, she just fell behind. For five months.

Her landlord didn't take her to court - apparently the landlord didn't want to endure the court fees, paperwork, etc, but just wanted Alicia out as quickly as possible. And apparently there's a few months' grace period. So, for five months, Alicia made a killing. Let's assume that the landlord garnished the security deposit when Alicia finally left - even at a few hundred dollars, Alicia saved over $4000 in rent.

Alicia then went on to TWO other places, pulling the same stunt. Her credit was in good shape, as the previous incident had not showed up - and may not, depending on a landlord's preclivity to processing claims. At each place, rent ranged from $750-950 a month. At each place, Alicia saved around $4000 during her stay.

Alicia doesn't pay rent today, either, but for a slightly different reason - she now has a mortgage.

Well, shit, if I were dishonest and immoral and knowingly cheated someone out of my end of a contract, I could easily save $10,000 and have my own goddamn mortgage. But because I play by the rules, I'm still shelling out upwards of $800 a month, every month.

I'm not sure what I'm more disgusted about - that she got away with it? That she bettered her situation by getting out of the renting cycle? That her landlords were so lazy they didn't want to do anything to stop her - or to help out other landlords in the same predicament? Or that I would never even think of not paying my rent??

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Why is it when my dad mentions snow blowing, I feel dirty?

Saturday, January 22, 2005

The Devil In Me

I'm great at playing devil's advocate. I like playing devil's advocate - thinking of the alternate solutions, the other ways of looking at things, the what-ifs. I think I'm good at it.

I've realized, though, that playing that role is just simply a way of avoiding giving my own opinion. It's an easy and non-see-through (what's the word I'm looking for? opaque?) way of getting around actually deciding what I feel/think about something and putting that out there for public consumption.

Am I worried about being ridiculed for my viewpoint? Sometimes, sure. Am I concerned with looking stupid? Yeah, sometimes. Do I hate having to take a stand on something and plant my feet on the ground? Usually.

Someone recently told me that if there was something I wanted, I should go for it. There is something I want.

Game on.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Tonight's Embarrassment Sponsored by BestBuy

So, I'm at BestBuy tonight, buying myself a Nintendo GameCube (shut up). It's supposed to snow really really badly all weekend, I have nothing to read, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna actually clean this place up. Why am I defending myself to you? Shut up, already!

So anyway, I've picked out my box (shut up) and a couple of games, and I made my way over to the CD section. I love CDs. It had occurred to me that a certain pseudo-gay boy I know might really dig The Culture Club, so I checked out their CDs. And while I was looking at those CDs, I realized I was rockin' out to whatever was playing over the PA system. I felt like I knew the singer but I couldn't quite place the song. I just knew that I was really enjoying it.

So, in the interest of giving more of my money to a large corporation who probably cheats their employees, I asked the closest salesguy who the singer was.

You ready?

Lindsay Freakin' Lohan.

I chortled with embarrassment, thanked the guy, and walked off.

Thank Goddess for Amazon, where I can buy that shit in private. Let's hope it comes wrapped in a plain brown wrapper while we're at it.

And as I spell-checked this, I HAD to share: 'BestBuy,' according to the little guy who lives in the computer and quickly flips through the dictionary, should be replaced with 'festive.' 'Rockin' should be replaced with 'foreskin.'

Boy, that would be a whole different type of embarrassment...

Ain't Too Proud to Beg

They're predicting about a foot of snow this weekend. I'm really really tempted to purchase a pack of smokes for my weekend hibernation, but I will resist. Some might say that my desire to smoke really means that I'm craving something else in my mouth, but those people are whack.
I walked out of my building today to find a girl yelling: "I hate Chicago, I never should have moved here, who the hell breaks into a car in this kind of weather!" My first instinct was to tell her that she's not technically in Chicago, but I didn't think she'd see my point. I wasn't actually sure if she was talking to me or if she was on the phone, but I was lucky - there was a cell phone involved.

After starting my own car and sweeping the snow off, I asked her if she needed any help. She said she was going to call the cops. As I drove out of the lot, I saw that her passenger side window was completely smashed in. That sucketh. It's things like that, that make me appreciate my POS and factory stereo even more.
My team had our breakfast / meeting this morning. I have to say, I fear for my team leader. Let's call her C. C's not a very strong-willed person and has two people on the team who are. They shut her up and cut her off and shot down virtually every new idea she had, to the point where she apologized for her ideas. I'm all for trying new things (except sushi) and though some of her ideas didn't work with the initial implementation, it's very possible it was due to the style of execution. But these two people used the meeting time to vent and complain and bitch and say what they were not going to do and what their job did not include, and they're so incredibly vocal and negative.

In the end, C told us we could all cut out of here around 1:30 today if we wanted, due to the impending snowstorm, and basically wasn't able to introduce a single new idea to us successfully.

Ah, fun.
My old bosses still haven't stopped giving me grief from leaving their area. I ran into my old TL yesterday who, in the space of our 5-minute conversation, told me that a) I deserve new opportunities, b) he's holding open a spot for me on my old team, har har, c) he needs to start thinking about my review.

Um, yeah. C told me that my review had been done. "Um...can I see what they said about me?" So we set up a meeting for Monday to discuss it. Found out today that my review HASN'T been done yet. Great. Before, the employee used to write their review, then send it to their boss, then meet with boss to discuss it, then revise it...but now, Boss has to write it and then discuss it with employee. So since all reviews have to be completed by Wednesday, I'll probably get grabbed for a quickie, last minute meeting that won't leave them any time for changes if needed. Just give me my 10% raise already, damnit!

Unless, you know, you need the time to make it a 13% raise. I can be cool with that.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Yer Momma Wears Combat Boots

Patience. One of the things that pissed me off the most about Ex was that he always said I didn't have any patience.

Wrong, wrong, WRONG! I have PLENTY of patience! Just not, you know, for myself.
We interrupt this post to ask WHY THE HELL is Sara Gilbert on ER????? We apologize for any inconvenience but feel this question must be asked and answered immediately.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
I'm not sure why this is. It's probably a self-esteem issue, or related to some crap called 'compassion,' or something I picked up from shows like 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Felicity.'

The way I figure it is, at least I'm patient with somebody.

Yawn - Updated

It's 4:45. In the morning.

In light of my oversleeping yesterday, I went to bed at a reasonable hour last night. I think it was 11pm when the lights were shut off.

Yet, because I'm a certified crackwhore, I woke up around 3:30. No big deal, right? Go back to sleep, right?


So after 40 minutes of tossing and turning, I got up, had some hot chocolate, and have been sitting here playing AOL's QBert 2005. I'm super tired now and hope I can get back to sleep.

I also hope that the need (yes, it's a need, and not so much for myself as for others) to shower in the morning will propel my ass out of bed at a decent time.

Course, I also hope for world peace, so I'm not holding my breath over this one, either.

So, I made it to work - showered, even, with makeup on - a whole half hour before my entry time yesterday. Even though it's snowing out today. And apparently has been for some time.

Tomorrow we have a team breakfast at a nearby pancake house at - gasp! - 8am. I better shower tonight.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Long ago...and so very far away...

...Karen Carpenter's voice kills me. No, that's not meant to be a joke. It's so mellow, so soothing, so full...I will admit to voluntarily purchasing The Carpenter's 'Yesterday/Once More' Greatest Hits album. It's a two-CD collection, yo. But, like anything that's sickingly sweet, I can only take a little bit at a time.
If a woman eats a naked chicken breast...does that count as a lesbian act? Beastiality? Inquiring minds wanna know.
I've watched a lot of Sex & The City reruns...and is it just me, or is Carrie incredibly selfish? I get that even though it's an ensemble cast, the show is about her...but really, every conversation over lunch with the girls revolves around her. Every time one of the girls turns the topic to them, either in person or over the phone, she turns the tables. I would get tired of that so quickly.

Two (unrelated) Items

1. Obviously we know that a person can suffer from withdrawals if they abstain from drugs or alcohol after an extended period of use.

But what are the after-effects of abstaining from porn???

I look at some form of erotica almost daily. What would happen to me if I refrained from that pleasure for a set amount of time? Would I develop the shakes? A studder? A squint?

Mind you, I'm not suggesting that this study actually be done on me. Horrors, no! I'll all about sacrifice in the name of science, but find some other lab rat to torture.

At the very least, though, were I ever in the unfortunate position of testing this theory out, I'm guessing that my carpal tunnel syndrome would get some relief.

2. I have plans to go blind-shopping with BBB after work today. He's in his new condo now and apparently lacking some basics. Of course, the first day we hang out would be the day I haven't showered. Ah yes, life can be cruel...

Seriously, folks, WTF?

Anyone else catch the teaser for the new show starring (and I use that word lightly) Paris Hilton & Nicole Ritchie?

I couldn't find any links about this show to send you to, but the premise that the the two society girls intern at various places. Places like day cares. And a plastic surgery office. And we get to see the incompentent, unskilled girls fuck everything up, get disgusted by everything, and laugh at them while doing so.

Seriously, folks, WTF?

Smelly Kate

I hate running late.

And I hate running REALLY late.

And on days like today, when you wake up at 9:38 and realize you should have long been at's not a good idea to take the time to shower before throwing clothes on.

So, not only was I super late to work, but I haven't showered. I've spritzed smelly shit on me and threw some makeup on in the car, but...

If you have the pleasure of meeting with me today, do yourself a favor and call in instead. I promise I'll shower tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Pretentious Ole Me

I've always hated the 'grammar checker' on MS Word. I write, have written, and will probably always write in the passive voice. The ball was kicked by John. The meeting was held by Liz. It's just my writing style; I don't consciously do it. I'm a direct speaker, but with writing...I guess I tend to take the long route.

I'm aware of the difference between active and passive voice; I just find myself gravitating to the passive style. I used to write a lot, and I read a lot, and always when reading, I find myself paying attention to the author's style. Why say it like this instead of like that? It's interesting to me. I compile Post-Its in my head of the various stylistic examples that I see, and I call upon them when I need.

I've always been considered a 'good' writer, though by no means great. But it struck me this morning, as I reread an email I sent yesterday...that perhaps the active voice ain't all bad.

I think of this, as yesterday's one-line email sticks with me: "Is there no summary of change document?"

Not, "Is there a summary of change document?" or "Should there be a summary of change document?" or "I'm missing the summary of change document," but instead I used perhaps the most convoluted way of asking a simple question.

Ah, fuck it. Who do I think I am, Chandler Bing?

Wrong, Wrong, WRONG!

Ashlee Simpson is on the cover of Cosmo.

I think I speak for all of us when I say, "EWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

And as I told the guy in the elevator with me, next thing you know it will be Paris Hilton.

Smart guy - he agreed that would be nazztee.

Monday, January 17, 2005

How I'm Better Than Most

So, BBB (big black bald guy) at work is going to start this post off. We've become friends. He swings by my cube a couple times a day and sits in the chair I have there and we chat. He's funny. Sarcastic. If I go downstairs to the store in the afternoon, I swing by his cube to see if he wants to come with. He's started to come by at the end of the day, and after we chat for a few ten minutes or so, we'll both close up and walk out together.

Today, when he swung by at the end of the day, he had his cell phone with him and we started chatting about the girl he was seeing. Let's call her...Lisa. Apparently Lisa had mentioned something about marriage to BBB. I asked how long they've been together, and BBB said he wasn't sure if they were 'together' or not. My response?

"Dude, if she's talking about marriage, she thinks you're together."

Which I just don't get. Do people really talk seriously about marriage with their s/o after a couple months of dating? That's scary. If any guy did that to me, I would be afraid. Very afraid. And I would run.

That's the first way I'm cooler than most - I'm not psycho like that. I mean, I'm psycho, but in different ways.

Reason #2: BBB said that Lisa still lives with her parents. She's 27. She has no plans to move out - it's not just a temporary thing. 'Nuff said.

Reason #3: BBB said that his ex gave him an ultimatum - propose or leave. I said that I would never want anyone to propose to me because they felt they had to. Makes sense, right? Right.

Reason #4: BBB called Lisa while in my cube. I sat there laughing silently at his end of the conversation. When he got off the phone, I told him that one thing I don't do well - but I'm aware of and aware that I need to do better - is realize when a guy asks, "Do you want me to pick you up?" and you say "yes," there's no need to feel badly about it. If he does feel badly, he either a) is an ass, b) shouldn't have offered, or c) is an ass. Same with if he asks if you want to meet a friend of his out that night: if he didn't want you to meet the friend, he shoulda never asked.

So, yeah. I may have my issues - okay, fine, I do have my issues, but I like to think I'm a cool girlfriend. And thank the Goddesses above that none of my exes are here to dispute that.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Firsts & Impressions


Going to an adult toy store with a group of people

Eating a man-made dinner (That was delicious, by the way. Every bite of it.)

Having a tarot reading

Getting lost a bazillion times in one weekend

Flashing a busy intersection (You want something to honk at? I'll give you something to honk at!)

Bringing two boxes of alcohol into a hotel

Seeing a man wear a bikini top over his shirt

Seeing a female wear my bra over her shirt

Discussing how gay a particular man is (I'm fine with 20%...really, lest Aimee embarrasses me again!)

Having my picture taken while I'm eating a really long piece of meat (That's RIBS, pervs.)

Prank calling boys (okay, not a first, but a first in a really, really long time.)

Unhooking a bra not my own

Having anyone place yellow smiley stickers on my shirt, over my nipples.



I know Aimee is a mom, but it was hard to think of her as such, because she's so fucking cool. She has a mouth like a sailor and a loud, infectious laugh. And yes, she snorts, which was hilarious. :) At the same time, she's like the mother hen - watching over everyone, making sure everyone is doing okay and has what they need. She's sarcastic and sweet and tough as nails even while she's huggable. It's a great mix.


Yes, it's been said, but I too was surprised by how tall she was! (And no, Bunsen, it wasn't just the shoes!) She's more reserved than I expected, but she's hilarious when she does speak up. For me, it was hard to superimpose the sexy Bunsen who we know exists onto the smart persona that's very much her, because she's not one of those crazy, "I HEART BOYS," outwardly lusty type of girls. We definitely know that side of her exists, though. ;)


Again, Celti is much taller than I expected. Though the hair is blonde, those piercing, clear blue eyes are all her. She, too, has an infectious laugh. She's also a devoted mom and at the same time, up for anything. (Well, maybe anything, I don't know for sure.) She drank like a champ, flashed like a hooker, poured drinks like nobody's business, and fell off the bed like a seal sliding into water. :)


Jamie was the most different from what I had imagined. Her pictures don't even come close to showing how cute she is. She's lively and funny and smart and she has the ability to say the difficult things that pussies like myself only think and wish we could say. She has an affinity for defiling bears, listening to Rick Springfield, drinking my vanilla rum & coke, and being an overall crackwhore.


First of all, let me say that Nanner's smokin'. She's got a body that won't quit, and you'll see pictures on others' sites that will prove me right. She's very serious when she gives readings, though smiley stickers on her nipples made it somewhat hard for others to get in that mood. She's mischievous in a subtle way - very open, very calm, very mellow, but then she'll come out with a zinger that is all the more hilarious because she's not out playing 'The Star.' At the same time, don't let that quiet side fool ya - she's a trouble maker with a capital T.


Last but not least...the male of the group. Pup probably surprised me most, because he actually is a stuffed bear. I think that's why he's so directionally challenged. Pup was fairly quiet at dinner on Friday night, but once we got to his place on Saturday, he really opened up. He really is everything he seems on his blog: funny and smart - super smart, forget that crap about getting his GED - and political and passionate and a mixture of societal awareness and comic books and video games and music and bettering himself and others. He's very little boy-like as well - the small things can make him giggle, and he loves being tickled. Not to mention, he has a cute ass.

Questions? Comments? Tough shit.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

How YOU Doin? - Updated

I'm a little discombobulated today.

Okay, that's a lie.

I'm a lot discombobulated today. Isn't that a great word? It's on a par with behoove and hence.

So, if you're a regular reader (and I apologize and thank you if you are), then you're aware that I'm in a new position at work. If you're a regular reader, you're also aware that I start a lot of my sentences with 'so.' That's become glaringly obvious to me lately. Hmph.

Anyway, back to the story.

Oh, wait, sorry. It's now 30 minutes later and I've lost the mood for that tale. It was gonna be a good one, too.

Here's something I've been thinking about lately. How much has my home environment sheltered me from good things? Here's an example. No one in my immediate family eats olives. So I didn't grow up with olives in the house. So I've never had one. So I think they're nasty. (Shut up, I'm allowed to form opinions against something I haven't tried.) But maybe they're not nasty and I would love them if I tried them. But I'm afraid to try them cuz I didn't grow up with them.

Are you still with me here?

My chicken salad has these crunchy tortilla things in them that are deelish. I went to Empire Szchewan once and they had wonton strips on the table, like other places serve bread or chips. Mmmm fried crunchiness.

What's that? Arteries, shut up! It's a salad I'm eating! I had them put all the veggies in and hold the dressing! Yeah, that's fried chicken in there. What's your point? Whose side are you on????
What the fuck happened to Unkymoods??? No more moods? No more inner debates over whether I'm sleepy or only tired? No more laughing at being able to feel minty? Or wrongly choosing angelic?? Sad, friends. My mood now is sad.

On...and On...and On...and

Why am I not asleep? Oh, right, because I haven't packed yet.

Why do I need to pack? Oh, right, because I leave for KC tomorrow after work.

Well, at least I've watched MTV and HBO and napped and painted my toenails. I mean, that's productive, right?
So, this guy at work. ASSHOLIO. He's the prick who's been on my last nerve for the past few weeks who wears the 1980 shirts and shows off his chest hair and diamond earring. Most of his frustration isn't directed at me but at someone I was backing up. Still, I've taken a verbal beating from him multiple times in the past month.

Today - 45 minutes before a meeting at HIS building that I'm traipsing my ass to (15 minutes away from me) - he sends an email with his 'expectations' of the meeting. If those aren't met, the 1/31/05 date is in jeopardy.

Yeah, that's fine, whatever. I would have appreciated more notice of his expectations so I could do everything in my power to fight for the date, but, whatever.

What REALLY got me was that the agreed upon implementation date isn't 1/31 - it's 1/24!! And that's only because he missed the 12/6 date and THEN missed the 1/17 date!

I was ready to go off. If the date needs to be changed, fine, but that's NOT how you let the owner of the project know.

Okay. That's way too much time devoted to Asshole. I'm all riled up again.
So, uh, whatcha doin over there? Yeah, that's right, I'm talkin to you.
There was a lot of commotion outside my apartment today. Lots of running back and forth and people's voices and I think some yelling that woke me up from my nap. I was torn between wanting to yell at them to shut the fuck up and finding out what was going on.

I did neither.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Riddle Me This

I love weird random shit like this. I'm in a very hyper, easily amused mood right now, and these fit right in. There were 18, but I've censored them to only include the ones I like.

It's my fucking blog, damnit.

Any and all answers will be considered.

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed?

8. If quizzes are quizzical, does that make tests testicals?

9. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

What Not to Wear

Ever get to work and realize the cute outfit at home turned into a strange outfit at work?

Yep, that's me today. My black-n-red outfit with my houndstooth-n-red shoes is not working here in CubeLand.

Even though I HATE HATE HATE the smarmy, smug people who host the 'What Not to Wear' show, I would SO wear crappy outfits all the time* if it got me $5000 of someone else's money for a new wardrobe.

So, who's gonna nominate me????

*And for those of you who are thinking that my wearing crappy outfits all the time would not be a change, I have two words for you. Any guesses?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

It's Happened

First, they started with the whole 'engagement' thing. Then, they actually started to follow through on that with weddings.

That was fine. I could tolerate that. I even liked some of my friend's spouses.

Then...they went and started producing. Yes, I am now the honorary aunt to one of my bestest friend's kids. Another friend has 'planned' when she & hubby will start trying, so that's a future honorary niece/nephew for me to lavish love on.

I was okay with all of that. People move on, grow up, etc etc. As long as I'm not forced to do the same, I'm cool with it.

But then...then, it happened.

The first of my friends has announced their divorce.

Sure, he cheated on her all throughout their relationship, and kept that up throughout their marriage. Sure, there's a rumor that she's cheated on him. Sure, they had quit sleeping together about 6 months before they were even married - Sure, he had told people that he was no longer interested in her sexually since she gained some weight.

I mean, you could say there were signs, but...what would you know?


Came home last night and was unable to dial-up my dial-up. Reason? Fourteen minutes on the phone with the SBC customer service rep told me that I'm one of 1500 people impacted by a 'cable outage,' rendering our phone lines kaput.

Gee, thanks. And, were you planning on telling us any of this?

Oh, but don't worry, this should be fixed by 5pm on the 13th (Thursday).

The hell you say! Almost makes a girl want DSL!

Luckily, my phone was back up and running this morning. Disappointing to only find 12 emails waiting for me after a full day away!

I used the down-time last night to shred mounds of papers; got my lamps all hooked up with the extension cords I stole from dad; made my first beaded necklace; repackaged items that need to be returned (damn catalog orders); and ate marshmallows. Oh, and I also watched some cheesy Lifetime movie that was barely entertaining.

Okay, I watched that movie after I watched 20 minutes of 'Insider' or whatever that show is with the nasal-voiced guy. It was allllll about the Brad & Jen split, complete with dated photos leading up to the announcement. Good freakin grief.

Now, I'm no fortune teller, but trust me on this - the world will not end if B & J divorce. Seriously. Honestly. I kid you not.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

Since my mom had surgery about 2 weeks ago, Dad's been running the house. To say that that's scary is an understatement. Sister and I converged on the house this weekend to help out.

Friday: Fought my way through weekend, rush-hour traffic. Managed to get to my 'rents in good time. Got there just in time to help with the final touches on dinner.

After dinner: Helped dad make muffins for Sat. morning breakfast. Helped sister make grocery list for shopping the next day. Tried to convince sister that I don't snore that loudly and that sharing the bed with me would be much better than sleeping on the floor with her dog, but she wasn't buying it. Oh well, whole bed to myself!

Made frosting for the birthday cake (for sister) that dad had made. After looking online for recipes, decided to use the prepared frosting in the cupboard. Accidently showed mom a recipe I had printed out and was told to make that instead.

Frosting didn't set.

Used the canned frosting anyway.

Saturday: Woke up early. Painted the primer on the new end table dad made for me. Got groceries with sister. Helped prepare a few pans of lasagna and enchiladas for the freezer and future use. Painted first coat of paint on the end table. Made a cake for a friend's bday part that night.

Took a walk with sister, her dog, dad, his dog. Endured sister freaking out about every goddamn step towards her dog that dad's dog took while I walked him. Stayed 10 feet behind her for the rest of the walk.

Made pralines. They didn't set. (I swear, no operator errors, honest!)

Went to TJMaxx with dad to look for lampshades. Went to Hobby Lobby where we picked up a painting we were having framed. It's an oil painting of his mom when she was young and beautiful - more on this later. Went to the bank, deposited my paycheck. Bought frosting for friend's cake (I ain't no fool). Brushed the dog out.

Frosted cake. Drove to Milwaukee for said birthday party. Got home around 11pm.

Sunday: Painted second coat on table. Showered with the dog - mom said he smelled. Made stew. Made lunch (coconut shrimp and salad).

Could really use a nap, but not sure if I have time for that before I head on the road.

Yawn. On second thought...

Friday, January 07, 2005

Megan is a Slut

I'm an AOL user. Bash it all you want, but since Pappa Peon foots the bill, I use it for free. That's worth some spam, some unsolicited IMs, and some random disconnects.

Lately, though...the unsolicited IMs have been coming fast and furiously. The majority center around Megan. Here are some of the names s/he has tried to entice me with:








Here's the deal I have going with AOL: Pappa Peon foots the monthly bill for unlimited usage. He & Mamma Peon each have email there, though dad's is his secondary account. Sister Peon has email there also that she uses about 1/2 the time. BIL has email there too that rarely uses. AOL is my ISP right now. Personally, I don't mind AOL. Sure, it has it's problems, but what doesn't?

However, Pappa Peon is considering RoadRunner, which more AOL! Sob. I'll either have to foot the bill myself or upgrade from dial up.

An end of an era, definitely.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

When the Bee Stings...

Since I've been a crabass lately (what you say? you hadn't noticed? PSHAW!), I thought I'd try to help push myself into a better mood. This list may be updated as more things come to me, but for now, here are some of my favorite things, in no particular order:

Cold peach tea

No lines in the grocery store

Random cards in the mail

Holding hands

Being tucked in

Being home with nowhere to go during a storm

Clean sheets

Yummy smelling candles

Random acts of kindness

Seeing a movie in an empty theater

Having an empty seat next to you on an airplane

Sleeping in

Proverbial Light at the End

I'm proud of myself - last night at the bar, I refused the urge to buy a pack of smokes and light 'em up.

Today, however, I did get steamed enough at a fucking asshole to bum a smoke and enjoy that outside. But still, that makes maybe one pack of smokes in the past 5 weeks - definitely progress. And he really is a fucking asshole.

I'm coming out of my dark spell. It just hits now and again, for varying lengths of time. That's part of the reason why I have a hard time letting people get close - I get so fucking moody at times and difficult to deal with. That's one of the reasons I'll always be fond of my ex - he was instrumental in getting me to deal with my mental failings, and never passed judgement, shame or blame on me for them.

That, my friends, is key. Now, how do I go about not passing judgement, shame or blame on myself?


It occurred to me this morning, as I walked to my car admist 5-10 inches of fresh snow, that a heavy snowfall is a lot like depression. You can't always prepare for it - sometimes it sneaks up on you. And sometimes, no matter how hard you do prepare, it doesn't help.

The snow, like depression, covers everything you know to be true. It changes the whole landscape - what was once green and fresh and easy to see now becomes hidden and secret and all you're left with is a memory of what it was.

It's not always easy to pull yourself out from under either. You know that all you need to do is bundle up and hunker down and use the right tools, but it's not always as easy as it seems. Sometimes the lure of the warm covers and the fetal position seems like the only cure.

Certain triggers are more apt to set either off: cold weather and meteorological...things, can trigger a snowfall. Snowfalls can trigger depression in some people. Death, a break-up, being fired, anything, really, significant or not, can trigger depression.

After reading Prozac Nation a few years ago and finding myself seriously identifying with Elizabeth Wurtzel, I self-diagnosed myself with dysthymia. It's basically the 'walking pneumonia' of depression - you still function, do your job, go to social engagements, but it's hard to do. It's all an act that's put on, and once the scene is cover, you collapse. It's an effort to be 'on' so much, and when you have the chance to be 'off,' overload on it.

It was a relief to find out that there was a name for what I had; I always just thought I was moody and ungrateful. It still haunts me, that question: I have SO much - why can't I just be happy with that? My copy of Prozac Nation is dog-eared and highlighted, with passages underlined and whole paragraphs marked. I scavaged the internet, looking for causes, symptoms, effects of this disease. Could I have prevented it? Is it genetic? How do I get rid of it?

Turns out, I can't, but I can manage it. Except I've found that I'm about as good as that as I am in managing my online bills.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

People Are Broken

If people are broken, and I'm broken, then does that mean I'm a people?

Yeah, I'm struggling tonight. This is about the fifth post I've started. We'll see if this one too ends up in the scrap heap in my mind.

(Long pause)

I don't understand why people have to endure so much pain.

(Long pause) (Fingers tap tap tapping on the keys)

(Tap tap tap)

Yeah, this one's getting scrapped too. Too much snow entered my brain tonight, everything in there is mushy and slushy and incomplete.

Women's Intuition

First of all, as an unrelated aside to this post, my cube neighbor is again clipping his nails at his desk. This makes twice in a month - and he was out for two of those weeks. If this is going to be a habit, he just may be killed.

Okay, I did have a real post in mind, but right now I'm just going to vent about Sprint. You suck, fuckers!

My account is up for interruption tomorrow if I don't take care of a past-due amount that I'VE ALREADY PAID! It's not my fault that a credit they owe me hasn't gone through yet. It's only been 10 days for them to credit me the $100+ they incorrectly charged me. And of course, Kelly from Accounts Receivable can't help me, so I have to waste more of my time and call their Customer Service number.

Yippee! And then, Kelly thanked me for choosing Sprint. What a crock!

(This post is in no way intended to alienate or insult Sprint employees. Unless you are Kelly from Accounts Receivable.)

White Flag

No, not the bug killer, the song from Dido. Or Surrender, as I prefer to call it. :)

Snowed here last night, our first big snow of the season. It's still coming down, but that won't stop me from meeting some coworkers for drinks tonight. Snow be damned, I want my beer!

As I've said before, there's a lot rattling around in this noggin of mine, so the posts may be coming fast and furious. Try to keep up, mmkay?

I'm feeling a little lost and wasteful. Wasteful of time, of knowledge, of experience. I've become quite introspective. No, I've always been introspective, I've just not always let that be known. I feel like I'm still struggling to find my way - not what will I be when I grow up, but who will I be. Which side of myself do I let prevail? The quiet, withdrawn, diligent worker bee? The party girl with an eye for men? The social butterfly, everyone's friend? The dark smoker and drinker and risk taker? How can all these people reconcile inside of me? Doesn't one have to win?

Whatever, I'm so rambling. Fuck it.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Going Nowhere, Fast

Directly following my "I'm a mixed up person and ya'll are gonna hear about it" post, here's something random and light. I have sooo much on my mind to write about, but here in CubeLand it's neither the time nor the place. So I'll store up all my deep thoughts and write about them in the privacy of my bigger cube, aka my apt. That's my dichotomy, and I'm stickin to it.
There's something so freakin unsatisfying about having to spend ALMOST TWO WHOLE HOURS not able to access your work email because you're having server problems. WTF???? Glad I bothered to get my showered ass in here early today. Fuckin technology. Who needs you?

I'm kidding I'm kidding! I take it back! Network, how I love thee!
There's not much more satisfaction in the world than when you are holding it just right...and touch it in just the way to make it spurt alllll over. The creamy goodness jumps out and gets all around it nice and wet and soggy, and everything is coated in its taste.

Juicy chicken kiev, I love thee too.
"Leave your livestock alone." Name the movie to win fabulous prizes!
Pup mentioned he watched "Bring It On" the other night. There's a line in there that's always bothered me: "Missy's the poo, so take a big whiff." Um...what? Did the writers think that would catch on and be the next big movie catch phrase? Bill & Ted had one; Wayne's World had one; Austin Powers had one; Empire Records had one (Damn the man!). But Bring It On missed the mark. That's okay. They still have plenty of other positives to their name.

Monday, January 03, 2005

The Truth

I've been censoring myself quite a bit. I have different sides to me, two that prevail. No, I'm not talking about having an Egyptian Pharoah lurking in my psyche, but I am talking a little of split personalities. I'm often a happy, cheerful, upbeat, humorous person. Sure, I'm more apt to be this way in public, but sometimes I'm that way in private, too.

More often in private, however, I'm sad. I feel like a turtle sometimes, crawling back into my shell to protect myself from what lies outside. I have thoughts that are jumbled, confused, conflicted. I dwell a lot on the 'what ifs' of life, even though that doesn't do me any good. I struggle a lot, fighting against myself, with what my mind tries to convince me of. With what I believe to be true, even though my view may be skewed by events or history or negative self images.

I had originally created a separate, 'secret' blog so that I could purge my thoughts there and keep this blog relatively untainted, but...I'm not going to do that. I am a whole person, both good and bad, happy and mad and sad and frazzled and confused, and you don't get a choice in which side of me you get. I don't get a choice; sometimes I wish I did. I am what I am. Writing has always been cathartic for me, and I will make it continue to be so.

This blog is for me, by me. I post knowing - nay, hoping - that others will read and identify, but I need to more consciously post for myself.

Hi Hi!

Sorry to disappoint, friends, but nothing climatic - literally or, well, literally - came from hearing from my old friend. He did email and it seems things are going well for him, despite a recent divorce. He's living in the same town we grew up in, and though I've written back, I'm not sure yet if he'll respond in kind. At the least, it was good to hear he's doing well and seemed glad to hear from me.
I used up my salon gift certificate last week. I treated myself to a Salt Glow Body Shimmer service. In a darkened room, with candles and meditation-like music playing, my - what would she be? - servicer? - coated me with warm oil, one section at a time, then rubbed a mixture of exfoliating salts and shtuff onto me. That was then massaged into my skin, and warm towels were used to wipe it off. Mmmmmmm. Quite nice. It left my body nice and smooth and was very relaxing.
I don't make New Year's resolutions. I have tried to incorporate some changes into my life throughout the past month, with the hopes that I don't think of them as resolutions and break them as I normally would. So far, so good.
I've come back home after a weekend away and found that my apartment is a pigsty. How does that happen? I wasn't here, and I would never go away with it messy, did it get that way? Did dust bunnies creep out in the middle of the night? Did elves come for one last holiday prank? Fuckers. I'm pretty beat though, so I'm gonna leave the cleaning for later. Like, 2006.

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