Corporate Peon: Eat Your Heart Out

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Eat Your Heart Out

I just made the easiest, and tastiest, dinner: coconut shrimp. I didn't catch the shrimp, but these ain't no frozen food, neither. I. Rock.
I had an interesting email conversation today with a fellow blogger that really got me thinking. For reasons I don't quite understand, s/he was unwilling to enter into a relationship with me, someone s/he has never met and lives many many states away from. Boy, if that's not a blow to the ego... ;)

We both want to be in a (preferably healthy) relationship; we both bemoan (though perhaps to differing degrees) the absence of such a relationship from our lives; we're both smart, sexy people. So what's the catch?

We both have standards, and perhaps ideals, of what we're looking for in a mate. Are our standards too high? Or are they reasonable, but rare? Mark, my booty call from the other week, has - on paper - all the traits in a man I'm looking for, but there was no spark. Am I being greedy to hold out for that spark? Am I being foolish to not jump on an otherwise good match? Sparks do fade, after all - why expect it from the get-go?

If romance and sparks and lust fade, why look for it at all?

Somewhat relatedly, the time I spend being single often wears on me. My ego, self-confidence and self-esteem begin to feel beat down. Even if I'm not outwardly pursuing anyone specific, no one is pursuing me, either. I start to question myself - what am I not? What am I too much of? What should I change, in order for someone to love me?

I don't want to change (for those reasons). I don't want to feel that I can't find love being the person I am. I don't want to feel that I'm my own roadblock. Nonetheless...

I am simultanuously my own worst enemy and best friend.

*My questions are all rhetorical. I know no one has the answers; I wish it were that easy. Your thoughts, input, and comments are, of course, welcome.*

** And to my email pal, thanks for the inspiration. Best of luck in finding your ideal.**

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