Much like the Chicago-area television news programs, the (majority) of the Chicago-area morning radio shows suck. You've got Billy* and Hobo*, two rapidly aging white men who run the hip-hop station's morning show. They're in their 40s, I'm guessing, and hold contests looking for Chicago's Hottest High School Cheerleader! and have this annoying 'love connection' segment where Marge McDouche** tries to suss out the caller's love interest's true feelings.

They're not even crude enough to be funny. But you can hear all the 50 Cent you want, all day long! Actually, the new (and seemingly only) song on repeat now is "Golddigger." I'd like to say that's because Kanye is from Chicago and they're supporting local talent...but I know better.

Next there's the 'mainstream pop' radio station. They used to have a great morning DJ, Valentine. Now, however, they have Dull*** & Duller.*** Dull is one of the most flaming-sounding men ever. Whether he's actually gay or not, I don't care, but it doesn't make for a smooth listening experience. His cohort, Duller, is an abrasive, crude woman with a booming voice. She sounds more manly than he does. Their segments usually consist of bathroom humor, picking on each other, and arguing amongst themselves.

Every morning, I wish for my new car with it's six-disc in-dash CD changer. Every morning, I'm thankful for my short commute.

At any rate, one of the stations this morning was having callers discuss whether they liked their breasts or not. One woman caller said before her breast reduction, she was a 34DDD.

I've always said that I'd like to be that about size for, like, a weekend. Yes, I know it would cause back pain over time. Yes, I know it would be hard to find bras/shirts/dresses/bathing suits that fit. Yes, I know that guys would talk to them rather than to my face.

I still think the attention would be fun for a day or two. I slut out my pathetic-by-comparison size Ds often enough, it'd be fun to have some REAL meat to play with.


* Names have been changed to protect the boring, annoying, and too-old-for-their-demographics DJs
** Unfortunately, that is the actual name of the 'woman' (who's actually one of the DJs using a stupid voice)
*** Names have been changed to protect the boring, annoying, and unfunny

posted by Kate the Peon @ 4:32 PM |