Corporate Peon: Roma

Friday, November 19, 2004


It's my last night here in Italy, and I must confess, I'm ready to go home. It struck me today, walking around, that it's quite strange to go for weeks on end with ZERO chance of running into anyone who knows you. Of course, the irony isn't lost on me - I basically live that way at home, too.

At any rate, I'm beyond tired. My two days here have been full: seen the Colleseum (sp), the Pantheon (not to be confused with the Parthenon), Castel d'Angelo, Vatican City (including the Sistine Chapel), ruins of the Ancient City, part of some concert at the Collesium that I think was tied to MTV, the piazza de St Pietro, the Spanish Steps, and gotten lost numerous times. I've seen more fancy shops - Prada, Gucci, Yves St Laurent, Mont Blanc, Ferrari, and others that I'm forgetting. Taken the metro 2x.

I'm in the common room of the hostel now, smoking intermittently (Davidoff menthols) and talking with an Aussie sitting next to me. I have a super early flight in the morning - need to be on a train around 5am - and may well stay up all night to avoid my fear of oversleeping.

I've been lonely on this trip. Don't get me wrong, that's part of why I go - to be alone with myself and my thoughts and force myself to do some hardcore soul searching. But I didn't find anything new though, other than that I'm disgruntled with myself and my current life and I don't know how to remedy that, for I don't know the root problem. But that's definitely old news.

The hostel in Florence encouraged graffiti and had walls and walls covered with code words, phrases, cartoons, etc. I added this psuedo-poignant bit: "Katey was here looking; For what, she did not know; and thus, she did not find." Trips like this replenish my self-esteem to a degree, they help me realize that I am capable and able and self-sufficient, but that doesn't last for long. Everyone tells me how independent I must be, to do trips like this, but the truth is, I'd rather be a little dependent now and again. I'm independent 100% of the time because I HAVE to be. When do I get to relax and depend on someone else, if even for just a short while?

I'm rambling now and getting a bit morbid, which is not my intent. I am looking for something, though, and I still don't know what it is. That magic change, that revelation, that if only I do/don't do/become/stop being _______, then I'll find happiness. I keep looking for that revelation, but I think it's safe to say it's not in Italy.

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