Deciphering the Peon
The Peon has many facets to her. Like the book Lisa, Bright and Dark, there is a dark side and a light side to the Peon. There is a public and personal. There is a fun and a not-so-fun.Peon had an email conversation with a friend the other day about how [people] are often 'more' of something online than in person. For her, well...yeah, she's much more of a downer online. Much more openly depressed, cynical, pessimistic, etc etc ad naseum.
Part of that open display of negativity owes itself to the fact that the Peon often blogs at night. For some reason, nighttime - dark - causes the Peon to succumb to the bad feelings she's fought all day. It could be that she sits in the dark most nights, TV on, candles burning. Maybe turning the lights on would help, but she finds that garish and prefers the subtle glow of candlelight. The flickers are never identical, never repeated, and the light is calm and soothing to the Peon.
If the Peon only posted what she wrote during daylight hours, there would be a marked change in the tone of her blog. There would be work rants and occasional personal insights, but mainly things would be light and fluffy. One may argue that this alone is reason to - or not to - adapt this change in habit.
The negative outpours from this site also owe themselves to the fact that the Peon is alone while writing them. Were she one in a group, her mood would be elevated and she would not allow herself to explore or expose such troubled thoughts. It might be hard to believe, but the Peon has been fun more than once before. She's been the life of a party, she's been an instigator of mischief, she's been...liked, likeable, and lively.
She hasn't lately felt that way, and maybe that's shown through in her writing. She's concerned, though perhaps foolishly, that others will think her only a depressing bore. She doesn't argue that fact, she only laments it, even as she knows she's not able or willing to change that.
The Peon's postings are also the most honest side of her, and that's why they're shown here and not in person. It's hard for her to open up to others - to let them in - and for her to do so to real-life people, well...it's rare. Online communities offer the chance to purge what is inside, what the Peon feels she can't relate to those who actually know her for fear that they will recoil in disgust. She won't risk offending those she knows, but everyone else is fair game.
Perhaps you should give her a chance. Perhaps she's ready to show that other side of her, to prove that she is multi-faceted - and some are quite enjoyable.
Of course, what do I know? I, too, only know her as she presents herself to me.
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