Corporate Peon: Theme

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


I'm a little manic. And a lot depressive.

Meds only go so far. I mean, when I'm on them, they work, to a point. They calm things down a bit. But they bring shame with the calmness. Shame and fear. Shame that I have to resort to something processed to make me feel better. Shame that I can't do it myself. Shame that they really make a difference. Shame that they don't do enough.

And fear that I'll always have to be on them. Fear that I won't find someone to accept that part of me. I won't find someone who can be okay with me on meds, or me without meds, or meds in general. Fear that someone won't be able to accept that I'm a person who needs meds.

When I'm off them, not only do I have the depression to deal with...but I have the self-loathing that comes with knowing I'm not doing everything to help myself.

If I can't accept myself on can I expect others to?

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