Corporate Peon: Dear _____,

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Dear _____,

I hate you for this, you know. I hate you because I feel it's your fault I'm in this position.

Yeah, whatever, you don't care. You think I'm petty and juvenile and I need to move on. You think I don't think that myself?

And I know there are no guarantees, and there never were any. And I have no proof that even if you hadn't done what you did, that I wouldn't be in this same position today.

But the fact of the matter is, I am in this position. And I hate it.

I never had to admit before that I wanted anyone. I never had to admit that I was lonely or that I was looking, wanting, someone to be with me. I never admitted that because you were always there in some capacity. Even when things weren't at their best between us, I always felt we would work it out, that you would always be that person I was looking for.

And even if I did have to admit it, I never really could, because I was so focused on doing for myself. Wasn't it somehow 'wrong' of me to want more than I already had? Wasn't it 'wrong' of me to not be content with the good fortune that surrounded me?

You never shied away from admitting it. Remember the personal ads I helped you write? Yeah. Where's my help when I need it?

Oh, right. You don't know that I'm doing personals, because you don't know me at all anymore. You don't know where I am or what I'm doing or what I think about when I lie awake in bed at night.

And maybe that's really why I hate you.

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