Corporate Peon: Regrets, I've Had a Few

Friday, November 04, 2005

Regrets, I've Had a Few

Ever regret certain things, certain acts you've done, certain situations you've taken part in? Not because they didn't end well, or not because they caused drama at the time, or not for any of the 'normal' reasons one might regret something, but because then you and the someone else involved (or multiple someone elses, depending on the circumstance) are then linked together for all time.

Sometimes, that bothers me. I'd like to undo certain things to break that chain. I'd like to erase the tie that binds.

And maybe you're okay with how things actually ended, or with how the scene unfolded, but it still irks you that whenever you think of that experience, you're forced to think of everyone else who was there.

It's like spending a whole lot of time together and getting to know someone knew and really really clicking find that once you really get to know them...once you really get under their surface...they're not a very nice person. Maybe they're prejudiced. Maybe they're not clueless in an endearing way, but they're really just plain stupid. Maybe they're full of themselves and selfish and nosy and gossipy, and that all became apparent and now, now you've lost what you thought was going to be, could have been, a great new friendship. And even if it wasn't going to be a great friendship, it can still be a shock to find out that someone you initially liked and thought could be a supporter, a new friend in your corner, can turn out to be such a backstabbing, selfish bitch.

I also regret conceding things I really don't want to concede. I do this less now than when I was younger; it helps that I know pretty well who I am and what I will and won't tolerate. I can't be with someone who can't follow basic rules of punctuation and grammar. While I'm not perfect, I'd like someone who knows when to use an adverb and when to use an article and, frankly, when to spell both. I've dated guys before who can't do this, thinking "Oh, but he's so smart, and no one's perfect, and maybe he's just tired," and you know what? I shouldn't have to concede on what's important to me. I feel stupid when I do, for things never work out, and then I feel I shouldn't have taken them as far as I did in the first place.

And I also regret taking people at their word. When someone tells me, "Hey, btw, we won't be able to have all the info you need at the meeting you scheduled for three weeks from now, because we have exams to worry about, but we should have something," I believe him. Except, of course, when he comes to me on the day of the meeting and says they have NOTHING done at all.

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