Corporate Peon: 61 Hours and Thoughts

Thursday, August 04, 2005

61 Hours and Thoughts

I've been nicotine free since Tuesday morning and I crave it constantly. I'm not quitting permanently; I know myself better than to think I will.

I've been concerned lately with the effect on my running trials. Silly, how that's what gets me to quit, and not the chemicals and carcinogens and annoying-as-hell ads.

I like to think I don't smoke much: one in the car to work, one home. Maybe as many as half a dozen at night. Less than a pack a day. That's not an issue, right?


Because I can't accept help, I always quit cold turkey. When the last one's gone, it's gone. I quit to push myself, maybe even to punish myself. I quit to show myself I can.

I'm going to try and resist until the 13th. That night, I will be with a friend who knows better than to tell me all the negative points of smoking. We will be ogling men and perhaps throwing back a drink or two, and I know already that I won't be able to resist a smoke or thirty in that setting.

After that, we'll see. I make no promises to myself, only lies.

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