Corporate Peon: You Won't Understand

Sunday, August 07, 2005

You Won't Understand

...but I need to say this anyway. What are you doing? Seriously. What the fuck are you doing? Why would you think that's a good idea? Why would you purposely inflict torture on yourself? For it is torture, isn't it. You've been bitching and moaning for so long that when you get the chance to fix it, you're too scared to take it. Stupid asshole. Almost serves you right. I feel no sympathy for you at all. You made your bed, now you fucking lie in it.
You ever say something that makes you upset? It's like, the second it's out of your head, you regret saying it and you feel stupid and cruel and sort of ignorant for saying it. You wish you could explain yourself but you know that won't even help, it will only make things worse and you could just kick yourself because even though the other person doesn't seem to notice, you notice and you've just succeeded in making yourself feel like crap. And you don't know for certain that they haven't notice, they're just exercising good manners and not taking note of your blunder in a public forum. Except, that, on blogs, all comments are in public forums, so you're left with your gaffe for all to see. Whether someone calls you on it or not, you're left to feel that they've made note and filed it away and will use it in future discussions as to why your golden ticket was revoked.

Maybe it comes across as petty or trivial. Maybe it seems like whining or unnecessary cruelty. Maybe it seems like you're trying to lash out. Believe me, if I were trying to lash out, you'd know. I don't purposely try to be mean. I really do want people to like me, sometimes I just...fuck up. Sometimes my mouth runs faster than my brain.

It's all related to the dating thing. Maybe it's a girl versus guy thing. Just like a girl is more typically the one to analyze every comment a guy makes to her, looking for some secret meaning that he wants to bed or wed her, a girl is more apt to cringe when she puts her foot in her mouth, when she comes across as stupid or petty or weak. To make a general assumption about an entire gender, guys don't over-analyze their conversations with females nor let it get to them if they make a conversational blunder.

If I were a man I'd be such a slut.

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